My Bate: April 2010

This is a theme I return to often, both in my conversations with other masturbators, in my reflection on masturbation, and in my own masturbation practice. Some of us were unfortunate enough to have fathers and other figures tell us that masturbation is wrong. Others of us were told that it's something that happens, but you should feel like less than a man if you do it -- knowing that it's going to happen anyway. Some of us were lucky enough to have fathers and others tell us not only that masturbation is ok, that it's healthy, that particularly young men should masturbate, and that we should feel free to do so when we wished -- but that it should be in private. Still others of us were lucky enough to be taught not only that masturbation is normal and healthy, but that we should think about our masturbation, devote time to learning about it, never feel shy about wanting to masturbate, and that masturbation is ok to share with other consenting partners who are not age-inappropriate (read: legal). I was fortunate enough to be in that last category.
When I was getting my "birds/bees" talk, dad shared with me that all men were masturbators -- and that that was part of how we are designed as men. He taught me that the nature of a man's body included the healthy desire to masturbate, and that experimentation with masturbation was part of learning about your own body's sexual response. One who is accepting of his masturbation will learn what feels good, what produces orgasm, and that this knowledge serves a man well through adolescence, adulthood and even old age. He shared that he masturbated generally once to twice per day, and that I should feel open to masturbating as much or as little as I desired. He said to me that day, and these words ring true to me even today, that I should develop a relationship with my penis, and to remember that that will be one of the most important relationships I'd ever have in my life. How true that was.
We've all heard the saying that 95% of men masturbate, and the other 5% are lying. This, I believe to be generally true -- though I could conceive of a 1% that might not for whatever reason. Yet this is still among the most taboo subjects people can discuss. Many men would much rather tell you how much money they have in the bank than that they masturbated that morning before getting out of bed.
So my challenge to myself is: how can I be appropriately open about my masturbation? While I enjoy sharing masturbation with others, that's not always my goal with such a conversation; rather, I want to be true to myself. How can someone really know me without knowing this about me?
Last evening I was having a drink in a gay bar, in a strange town, talking to some people I had never met before. The subject of hobbies came up - and I said it, along with my other hobbies. You could have heard a pin drop. But I felt great! There were a few jokes, and at one point the bartender came over, heard the topic, and came clean about the minimum two hours per day he spends with his penis. Then another dropped the jokes, and added that he, too, was a masturbator -- and that he's incorporated masturbation into his daily meditation and relaxation ritual. He said that it was the first time he had actually shared that fact so openly - and so matter-of-factly. So there we were -- from joking guys following a ridiculously outdated social norm, to a group of guys talking openly and frankly about our masturbation practices. No intent of "hooking up," no cruising, no pairing off, no nothing. Where some may have been talking politics, or sports, or music, or movies, we were talking about what we love.
When I returned home, I masturbated with a renewed clarity, an understanding of myself that was somehow different. And as I stroked, and prodded, teased and tugged, I felt connected in a new way to myself, and in a deeper way, to all men who know and understand what masturbation can do for them. Tonight, again, as I take my penis in hand, I will in a way be reconnected with these men who, though we've only met once, know the real me more than most.

In celebration, I for the first time photographed my semen. I share it with you now.